These Phrases shared by My Father Which Rescued Me as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who often absorb negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a break - spending a couple of days away, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."